unfinished

I loved school in kindergarten and first grade, most kids do though right? I remember starting to hate it in second grade. That's when the teasing started. Why you might ask? Not sure really, maybe because I had a boy's name or because I was skinny and awkward. But for whatever reason the teasing didn't stop until I finally did. I dropped out after my sophomore year. I went on to GED classes and took the test after 3 months of classes with scores high enough to earn college scholarships. I didn't go on to college at that time because I was burnt out. I didn't trust that college would be any different than high school because high school wasn't any different than middle school or elementary. Bullying is a serious epidemic going on in schools and it only gets worse over time. And what people don't realize is that once out of school the victim is still affected as an adult. It's a tough thing to overcome. I know because even though I left school 16 years ago I still struggle with the scars it left. I tend to be over sensitive when I know people are only teasing playfully and aren't really trying to hurt me. I really hoped once I became an adult those insecurities would just disappear but they haven't. Although I do handle them completely different it's still an obstacle.  All this has made me realize I have focused too much on my outward appearance and not enough on my inward. I honestly thought losing 30 pounds would fix the way I saw myself. Sadly it doesn't work that way. 

I found this blog in my draft file. I'm not sure why I never published it although I'm sure I could speculate. So here it is, it seems unfinished but I think that's ok. Life is on going and it doesn't slow down for you to collect your thoughts. So I'm just going to put it out there and perhaps one day I can figure it out. Until then feel free to add your own thoughts.