Chase

I have decided that I am done chasing after friendships. First let me state that this is in no way a pity party. And yes I realize that maybe it should be a private entry but I'm tired of keeping things bottled in. I'm also tired of losing friends and never understanding why. So my chase is over. I'm not saying the relationship is over I'm just tired of always being the pursuer. If someone doesn't want to see or talk to me I'm going to be ok with that. And I am no longer going to stress out over losing people that I thought were close to me. It's happened to many times for me to be naive in saying I have no fault in it. After 4 lost friendships I'm obviously a common factor. That being said I can't stop being me and if the friend won't tell me my fault then I can't fix it. I'm done venting. If you're worried this blog is about you then we can talk about it otherwise I have nothing else to say on the subject.

controversy

In recent news New York as legalized same-sex marriage. I thought I would take a moment and offer my opinion on the subject. Keep in mind this is only my uneducated opinion and you are more than welcome to disagree with me. First I'll start with saying as a christian I am against same-sex marriage just as much as I am against all sin. As humans we tend to categorize sin but in God's eyes sin is sin and we've all committed it, some habitually and some not. We weren't called to just accept every one's sin but to love in spite of it. My neighbor's are lesbians and though I don't agree with their lifestyle I respect them very much because they are sweet ladies who are doing an incredible job raising a teenage boy. All that being said I don't believe we as Americans have the right to deny marriage to  the gay community. We live in a country that stands for freedom and with that freedom comes the choice to marry whom ever you choose. I have heard people say that if we allow same-sex marriage it will diminish the value of marriage. I don't feel if Ellen DeGeneres, Neil Patrick Harris or even my neighbors get married it would take anything away from my marriage. And if it did then maybe my marriage wasn't strong enough to begin with. Their are a number of same-sex families that need the benefits that come from marriage and shouldn't be denied that right. Even God gave us the right to choose how we live why should the government give any less.

String of Pearls

Small, simple and pure
Soft and delicate, my pearls leave me open
Laying tenderly on my neck almost like your kisses
When I feel weighed down with guilt pearls have the power to make me feel innocent again
With memories of  a white dress and yellow flowers
My string of pearls tie me to you

unfinished

I loved school in kindergarten and first grade, most kids do though right? I remember starting to hate it in second grade. That's when the teasing started. Why you might ask? Not sure really, maybe because I had a boy's name or because I was skinny and awkward. But for whatever reason the teasing didn't stop until I finally did. I dropped out after my sophomore year. I went on to GED classes and took the test after 3 months of classes with scores high enough to earn college scholarships. I didn't go on to college at that time because I was burnt out. I didn't trust that college would be any different than high school because high school wasn't any different than middle school or elementary. Bullying is a serious epidemic going on in schools and it only gets worse over time. And what people don't realize is that once out of school the victim is still affected as an adult. It's a tough thing to overcome. I know because even though I left school 16 years ago I still struggle with the scars it left. I tend to be over sensitive when I know people are only teasing playfully and aren't really trying to hurt me. I really hoped once I became an adult those insecurities would just disappear but they haven't. Although I do handle them completely different it's still an obstacle.  All this has made me realize I have focused too much on my outward appearance and not enough on my inward. I honestly thought losing 30 pounds would fix the way I saw myself. Sadly it doesn't work that way. 

I found this blog in my draft file. I'm not sure why I never published it although I'm sure I could speculate. So here it is, it seems unfinished but I think that's ok. Life is on going and it doesn't slow down for you to collect your thoughts. So I'm just going to put it out there and perhaps one day I can figure it out. Until then feel free to add your own thoughts.